Our Happy Marriage…Just a Sham??

As you’d expect, coming out as transgender at the age of 39, with a wife and three kids,  has had it’s challenges. My wife in particular, while wanting very badly to be supportive, has really struggled dealing with the emotional side, the loss of her husband. You can argue all you want that I’m ultimately the same person (believe me I have made that argument), but the fact remains there is a definite loss here and her feelings are valid. Continue reading “Our Happy Marriage…Just a Sham??”

Parental Support – A luxury few transsexuals experience

Well it’s official, this past week was my 40th birthday and my first as a trans woman.  It was a really big day, not because of the number but the significance of it all.  Since I’m early in my transition and not full time yet, the fact that I’m transgender adds a new dynamic to so many life events and this birthday was just another example.  My parents, who have been amazingly supportive of my transition, realized the significance and gave me a really special gift.  It was one of my mother’s handmade cards and on the inside it read: Continue reading “Parental Support – A luxury few transsexuals experience”

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Part II)….

If you haven’t read Part I yet, I strongly encourage you to read that first in order to get the full perspective.

So my wife and I were high school sweethearts, while we were dating, I made what I can look back on now as my first attempt to explore my feminine identity with her.  For Halloween one year we were going trick-or-treating with some friends and I decided I wanted to go as a cheerleader.  Well of course she had uniforms so she gave me one that I could use as a costume.  However, when we got to her friends house and I changed into skirt and sweater, upon seeing me she freaked and insisted I take it off and go as something else. As I look back on it now, I realize that I felt safe enough with her to try exploring my feelings of gender.  However, her extremely negative reaction simply reinforced all the shame I had internalized throughout my childhood.  So I continued to deny what I was feeling and tucked it neatly back in that little box. Continue reading “Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Part II)….”

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Part I)….

“Let’s start at the very beginning”, in the words of Julie Andrews, “it’s a very good place to start”.  So how did I end up as a 39 year-old who has thrown their whole life into upheaval in order to transition to living as female?  How did I not determine this sooner?  Why transition now?  Did I always know I was a woman?  It’s taken me some time and a lot of psycho-therapy to find the answers to these questions but let me dig right in. Continue reading “Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Part I)….”

Finding Allies In Unexpected Places

We’ve all heard plenty about the characteristics of the so-called “Millenial” generation.  They’re lazy, they’re entitled, they’re activists just looking for a cause. Personally I’ve always felt the labels given to this generation are unfair and judgement passed upon them are even more so (especially since it was my generation that created them).  What often goes unseen is their prevailing level of desire for social justice.  In the area of all things gender identity related in particular, they’ve taken on a far more open minded view than traditional culture.  In fact, this generation seems to actually vilify those who do not share their viewpoint, and it seems they’ve taken it to an extreme.  I’ve watched as my eldest child (who identifies as non-binary themselves) has blasted potential allies who simply were trying to understand but asked the wrong question or asked it in an inappropriate way. It’s this almost belligerent approach to demanding acceptance that I want to address. Continue reading “Finding Allies In Unexpected Places”

Welcome

So bear with me as I’m just getting started.  For now, please check out the About Me page to learn more about who Alyssa is and why I’m writing this blog.  In the future I hope to share all aspects of my transition with the goal that other middle-aged trans women getting started on their journey may finally have a resource they can identify with more easily.  There are so many 20-somethings and 50+ trans women on the web sharing their experience but that middle group seems to be under-represented.

I’m not a professional or trained blogger. I only plan to share my story in the best way I can. Bear with me as this is a project in its infancy, but I hope to build a lot of content rather quickly.  Eventually, when I’m fully out living full-time as Alyssa, I’ll have pictures that chronicle the early stages of my transition which I’ll share.  For now, I have to keep a lower profile until I’m ready for the world to know just who I am.  It’s a shame it has to be that way, but sadly it’s the world we live in.

Thanks,
Alyssa